Thursday, December 14, 2006

Oh my gosh!

Whoa, I created a firestorm! I knew it was going to be controversial when my mom buddies got a little ticked at me about the essay, but being skewered in two different arenas was more than I expected. (I'm also hated by the racists too, but that's cool with me.)

At least at it seemed to be 50/50 of loathing/not loathing me. At I'm apparently a sell-out and groveling before that "diamond ring of patriarchal dominance."

As I explained to the SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms -- their abbreviation, not mine) who asked me to tone it down:

Yeah, the premise of the essay isn't made to be rebutted, so I'm not going there. However, the part about the dirty diapers, etc. I guess stemmed from a few people I know saying (more or less) that single women were just jealous of what they had. So I kind of made it a little ridiculous saying, "Yes, we're so jealous because you're tied to the house, your house smells like baby poo and you haven't had a vacation in three years."

I wrote this because I couldn't really have a conversation with my friends with children anymore. It just became very one-sided and in many ways, I was kind of pushed away because I didn't have children and couldn't understand. I don't know, maybe they wish they had stayed friends -- maybe they think they still are, I don't know. But we used to talk, do things and laugh. Now I'm always at their house, they're always talking about what their baby does (and worse, the baby bodily functions, or their bodily functions) and then I go. (No, I don't club anymore but I don't think having lunch at a restaurant or going shopping without the baby is really a "single" activity.)

Some people have understood what I felt, that these women who were these awesome people just kind of get watered down into these roles. One person said, "lose themselves," and I think that's what I meant by all this. Part of me never wants to have children if you can never have fun again (and I honestly think several of them think having fun without their children is a mortal sin.) Most of this is aimed at one friend of mine who really was fabulously fun. I know she's in there somewhere, but I think she may be lost to me forever.

I think Mary Schmich said it best, "Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.


Stacy said...

I think your article is right-on. I'm a SAHM, and even I can relate with you on this issue. What you wrote is the truth in many cases. When I chose (no accidental pregnancy here, lol) to become a mother, I knew my life would change (though, not to the full extent). I know I need to work on being a more well-rounded individual (and not just mommy and wife).

I don't see why anyone would want you to tone down your article. It's your thoughts and insights--not some new proposed law.

Ms. Write said...

Thanks! If I had to see another post about how I was the downfall of feminism I was going to vomit. Don't people understand the purpose of a personal essay? It certainly wasn't a political one.

Anyway, thanks for the comment!